Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
