White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
third nipple confirmed
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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