I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Please don't give away my fajitas
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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