Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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