Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
