so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
