tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
