Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
