my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
