her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found puke in my bra..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
