Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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