On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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