What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
