watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
