I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
