Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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