guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
