I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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