I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
