i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
