Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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