wanna go halves on a baby?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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