I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
