And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
