And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
