Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
