4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
