Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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