her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I touched a dick in church today
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
