remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
