I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
