I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
