I wish i was in the wii world.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
