Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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