she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
