it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
