Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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