drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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