i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
