are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
