Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
