dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
