there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
