i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
