I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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