How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
where are my eyebrows?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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