she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
