Already got asked if we're dating
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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