Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
