haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
